My Living Hell

I see in Your Word Your Power and Glory, how miracles surround and abound in your story. The Good News that you died so we could live, our torment you took Your peace to give. You bore our sickness and carried our pain, but why does the manifestation seem so hard to gain? Where are Your signs and Your wonders of old, and when will we see all we’ve believed and been told? You say you confirm you Word, but it doesn’t always seem so, what is my problem, Lord please let me know!

My heart cries and is anguish for the release of the oppressed, to deliver the downtrodden, to set free the possessed. To heal the broken hearted, that hope may be found, to bring forth Your Love and for Your life to abound. To heal all the sickness and destroy the disease, I know it’s Your will, so Lord help me PLEASE!

Something is wrong and the answer I need, teach me, correct me, Your voice I will heed. I feel if I don’t see them set free - I will die, so I continue to preach and to try and to try. But the chain remains locked and the captives in jail, to preach and then see this, is my living Hell.

I question myself, I question Your Word, to not have instant miracles seems utterly absurd. I thought I knew Your voice, and what You put in my heart but I can’t bear the pain of waiting to start. How long shall they stay bound, when we have the power to give, and remain dead, when Your Life we live?

I give up, I give in, I give all to You. Just what the hell is it, that You want me to do? Without You I am lost, I am bound, I am dead, I can’t get the thoughts of You from my head. Of You, and what I thought You called me to do. I can’t seem to accomplish it, You don’t seem to come through.

Sure there are small things, just this and that, but in the wilderness I remain and live like a rat. Surviving not thriving, believing not seeing, preaching and teaching, but the captives not freeing. When will we go over, when will we go in? The trip around this mountain I can’t bear again.

Will I die in the wilderness, Lord help my unbelief, and somehow some way, send some relief.

And so You said, that “I AM your Head, be patient my son, and give life to the dead.” But think I don’t know how, where or what to do, but You said, “Quit all your whining and just follow through.”

“Do what you know and don’t get ahead, I AM is with you, and I will do what I said.”

Isa 26:17-18
17 As a woman with child
Is in pain and cries out in her pangs,
When she draws near the time of her delivery,
So have we been in Your sight, O Lord.
18 We have been with child, we have been in pain;
We have, as it were, brought forth wind;
We have not accomplished any deliverance in the earth,
Nor have the inhabitants of the world fallen.
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Judg 6:13-16
13 Gideon said to Him, "O my lord, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all His miracles which our fathers told us about, saying, 'Did not the Lord bring us up from Egypt?' But now the Lord has forsaken us and delivered us into the hands of the Midianites."

14 Then the Lord turned to him and said, "Go in this might of yours, and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites. Have I not sent you?"

15 So he said to Him, "O my Lord, how can I save Israel? Indeed my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father's house."

16 And the Lord said to him,"Surely I will be with you, and you shall defeat the Midianites as one man."
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Ex 3:11-15
11 But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?"

12 So He said,"I will certainly be with you. And this shall be a sign to you that I have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain."

13 Then Moses said to God, "Indeed, when I come to the children of Israel and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they say to me, 'What is His name?' what shall I say to them?"

14 And God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM." And He said, "Thus you shall say to the children of Israel, 'I AM has sent me to you.'"
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Heb 5:7
7 who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear,
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Isa 66:9
9 Shall I bring to the time of birth, and not cause delivery?" says the Lord.
"Shall I who cause delivery shut up the womb?" says your God.
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Isa 54:1-3
1 "Sing, O barren,
You who have not borne!
Break forth into singing, and cry aloud,
You who have not labored with child!
For more are the children of the desolate
Than the children of the married woman," says the Lord.
2 "Enlarge the place of your tent,
And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings;
Do not spare;
Lengthen your cords,
And strengthen your stakes.
3 For you shall expand to the right and to the left,
And your descendants will inherit the nations,
And make the desolate cities inhabited.
4 "Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth,
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
5 For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
6 For the Lord has called you
Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,"
Says your God.
7 "For a mere moment I have forsaken you,
But with great mercies I will gather you.
8 With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;
But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,"
Says the Lord, your Redeemer.
8 With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;
But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,"
Says the Lord, your Redeemer.

9 "For this is like the waters of Noah to Me;
For as I have sworn
That the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth,
So have I sworn
That I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you.
10 For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,"
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

11 "O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
12 I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.
14 In righteousness you shall be established;
You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
And from terror, for it shall not come near you.
15 Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.
Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake.

16 "Behold, I have created the blacksmith
Who blows the coals in the fire,
Who brings forth an instrument for his work;
And I have created the spoiler to destroy.
17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,"
Says the Lord.
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John 15:1-8
15 "I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

5 "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.
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